PGHIMC - Pittsburgh Independent Media Center

The Lies Your Parents Told You
by Stacie Adams Tuesday, May. 31, 2005 at 7:46 AM
stackdogg@yahoo.com

An editorial regurgitation.

Having children is dicey at best. Cross your fingers and hope for a genius, but most likely you’ll produce another uninteresting drain on society whose only contribution to humanity is a few hundred pounds of toxic waste. There’s a lot of dead weight on planet earth, and yet people keep reproducing like their giving away prizes.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but civilization is teetering on the brink. Imagine to kind of life a child will have in 20 years. Dosed to the gills on Prozac, a constant streaming feed of MTV into their noggins, Paris Hilton for president, Paris Hilton is one step away from being a porn star, and yet every little girl I encounter is fully aware of who she is. Society has become one big junkyard and children little trashcans, brimming with all our throw away garbage.

Let me acquaint you with another indestructible empire. That would be the Roman Empire, as in the fall of. Every super power comes hurtling back to earth at some point. It’s only a matter of time before our number is called. Who’s to say what our destiny is? 20 years down the line, there’s no telling what effect that all these preservatives, bovine growth hormones, antidepressants, antibiotics, fluoride, and whatever else is coursing through your veins as we speak, will have on us. This is ruling out nuclear holocaust, of course.

I know, your thinking “you whiny liberal, you state the obvious, but where are the solutions?” To that I say, F-off, I’m no liberal, I’m actually a nihilist. Therefore I have no solutions. But may I make some suggestions?

First and foremost, let’s stop with the racism. It’s the 21st century, for god’s sake. The only reason people have different skin colors is because they inhabit different climates. The closer the sun, the darker the skin. It’s called melanin. Oooh, scary science.

Secondly, capitalism ain’t working my friends. It’s not sustainable in the grand scheme of things. The middle class in the United States is being eradicated daily. And their not moving on up, like The Jeffersons. More like Sanford and Son. As lovable as Redd Foxx was, I have no desire to live in a junkyard.

Third on the list, read a goddamn book, America! And no, Michael Crichton, Anne Rice, or anything “written” by a professional wrestler do not count. Pick up something old, I suggest George Orwell, Thomas Paine, Hunter S. Thompson, and the Bill Hicks biography.

Fourth, don’t believe everything you read in the news paper. Remember, your local news paper is written for the least intelligent member of your particular community. It has to be in order to sell. I believe its called lowest common denominator. Look beyond the headline.

Fifth, why do you people watch American Idol, The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, Nanny 911, etc.? These shows are mind numbing and unimportant. They feature talent less, shallow people that you would despise if introduced to in real life. You are better than these people. Do not sink to their level.

I don’t portend to know it all. In the vein of Socrates, I fancy my self a social critic. These are my observations. The truth is, nothing can save us now. I think we’re all doomed.

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